I’m a bit worried that my shorts are too sexy.
I know what you’re thinking. I haven’t updated you on our life for more than a year and then I hit you with that absolute bombshell! And to be quite frank, you’re not sure you’re ready to handle this red-hot, sizzling information. But there it is. These shorts are outrageously sexy and you’ll just need to deal with it. I’d share a photo with you, but this is a family show. The best I can do to paint a visual image in your head. Imagine a raunchy pair of baggy, tatty, ripped shorts, made even raunchier when you catch them on a chair in a government office whilst applying for a passport and then rip the back almost completely open when you go to stand up. Oh yes. Stratospheric phwoar-levels. If you need to lie down for a minute at this point, feel free.
“Are these shorts too sexy?” I ask Zsuzsa as we stroll through Buda on a barmy Friday eve?
“No.” She replies bluntly.
Bless her. She’s pretending that they aren’t insanely sexy so as to avoid me feeling self-conscious. Just one of the many reasons that I love her so.
It’s now the next day and we’re sitting by a pool in the middle of a forest in the Buda hills. The kids are staying with the Hungarian grandparents and we’re making the most of our kidless free-time. La dolce vita! I’m still wearing my sexy shorts by the way. I know that’s what you were about to ask.
La Dolce Feet-a
“I think I’m going to write some more Budanest stuff.” I announce. “I think it’s been more than a year. I’ve just been so busy what with kids, work, pandemics, launching sustainable start-ups and whatnot. It’s just been so hard to find the time, you know? What do you think?”
“I think that family over there were here when we came here last year.” comes Zsuzsa’s somewhat left field reply. “I remember because I thought at the time that the lady looked a bit like Zog”.
I look over and she’s right. The lady does look uncannily like Zog. I’d take a photo to prove it to you, but I think taking unsolicited photos of ladies in swimsuits who look like Zog are frowned upon in these parts. Especially as she’s also breastfeeding. You’re just going to have to imagine the children’s character, Zog the dragon, in a swimsuit, breastfeeding.
I continue.
“I just think Lola might be a bit pissed off if I don’t write much about her early years. I mean, Mila has a whole book about her first year! Lola will just have a pamphlet at this rate.”
“Should we share a beer?” asks Zsuzsa.
Sometimes I think that Zsuzsa doesn’t listen to me, but then I remember that ladies are wonderful at multi-tasking. She’s obviously absorbing everything I’m saying with great interest, but using the other half of her brain to mentally place ladies who lookalike Zog or ponder life’s great questions like whether of not we should share a beer.
Again, unperturbed, I continue.
“And the Lola inspired pamphlet will cover her first eighteen years unless I get a shift on! And I mean it’s not like I have a shortage of things to write about. I’ve got a million of things! Stories about us trapped at home during lockdown; or the time she announced loudly to everyone swimming around her that she was taking a piss; or how she loves to sing Vindaloo by Fat Les; or how she’s freakishly good at racket sports; or how she flicks her hair out of her face like she’s David Ginola in a L’Oreal advert; or how she turns into an absolute banshee when she doesn’t get her own way. So many things to write about! I really should get cracking, shouldn’t I? And I know we’re both incredibly busy and incredibly tired, but I owe it to her don’t I? What do you think? Honey?…Honey?”
I look up and notice that Zsuzsa is at the bar, the multi-tasking little maestro! I shrug and make a decision. I will start writing Budanest stuff again! I will find the time, even if I need to pump myself full of caffeine and write in the wee hours of the morning. Goddamnit, I will do it! But what should my first comeback piece be about? So much material to choose from. Hmmm.
I shrug, lie back, basking in the baking hot Budapest sun and carry on wondering if my shorts are too sexy.