Venice Day 1

14:30

On route to Venice from Ljubljana. All three of us (Zsuzsa, Mila and I) are sick, sniffy, drugged up messes. In fact, Zsuzsa has even called for a doctor (making full use of our travel insurance) to visit our hotel this evening to check out little Mila. The little blighter is coughing like a forty a day chain smoker.

15:15

We stopped off in a Slovenian village that sounds like pyjamas to take a look at some castle. The castle was amazing, but Mila didn’t seem to be impressed. It takes more than a spectacular medieval castle carved in to the side of a cliff face to pique the interest of this little diva. If it had nipples however, it might have been a different story.

17:43

Arrived in Venice. It’s carnival time! Fuckety-fuckety-fuck! Sick people with a sick baby stuck in the middle of one of the biggest parties in Europe! Our suspicions were first aroused on boarding a boat. The other passengers were all male nuns, eighteenth century noble men/women, human crows, six foot tall pussy cats or masked avengers.

18:47

Our hotel room is the size of a crisp packet.

19:45

The doctor arrived and Mila decided to spite us by pretending to be incredibly healthy for ten minutes. The doctor left, muttering in Italian. As soon as he left Mila once again decided to resemble a bubonic plague sufferer.

21:15

We can't go to the carnival due to our sickly child and snotty noses, but fear not as we've decided to bring the carnival to us. So, once Mila fell asleep we snuck off to our miniature bathroom and gorged on supermarket ham and cheese whilst drinking flat prosecco. Carnival! Carnival! Carnival!

Venice Day 2

10:30

Result! We asked for a cot to be put in our crisp packet sized room, but it didn’t fit so the hotel moved us to another room. This one is like a Venetian palace! I will always ask for a cot in our room from now on. Even when Mila is in her thirties, she’s coming on holiday with us and sleeping in a cot whether she likes it or not.

12:36

Zsuzsa, Mila and I were sitting outside a cafe in Venice. We were all still ill, all had little sleep, and subsequently were all tired. An imminent hit of caffeine was critical. The waitress was heading in our direction.

“Leave this to me honey.” says Zsuzsa. “I know a tiny bit of Italian.”

The waitress arrived.

“Dos cafe con leche por favor?” says Zsuzsa, in perfect Spanish.

The waitress paused for a moment before replying.

“We have cafe latte if that’s okay?” she said in perfect English.

Zsuzsa thought for a moment, before turning to me.

“They have cafe latte.” she said, speaking slowly so that I fully understand.

“That’s good.” I replied. “I’ll have a cafe latte.”

Zsuzsa turned to the waitress who was standing in between us and said, “He’ll have a cafe latte. I will too. Two cafe lattes please.”

“No problem.” replied the waitress.

Zsuzsa again turned to me and gave me a reassuring look. A look that exuded confidence. A look that reassured me. A look that said “I’ve got this.”

What would I do in Venice without my master of communications?

17:50

We’ve spent the rest of the day wandering around this phenomenal city, surrounded by grown ups dressed as animals. Just when Mila thought she had it all figured out, we’ve taken her to Venice during Mardi Gras. Thankfully she appeared to love every second of it! I don't think I've ever seen her smile as much! In order to fit in I decided to buy a mask. Zsuzsa decided not to, instead preferring to flaunt her naked face to all of the Venetians. The poor lamb looked ridiculous without a mask.

18:14

Top Venice Tip! - If you visit Venice with a baby, make sure you bring a baby carrier! Clambering over all of those bridges with a buggy would be a pain in the rectum.

20:38

Mila has just fallen asleep. We are eating take away pizza in our bathroom. I’m sitting on the toilet quaffing wine. La dolce vita.

Venice Day 3

10:30

I was enjoying a bidet today when I suddenly heard a yelp. I ran in to our bedroom to see Zsuzsa and Mila both in tears. Mila had decided to hurl herself, headfirst off the bed. Thankfully no damage done. Can’t a man enjoy a bidet in peace anymore without babies falling off things!?

10:35

Maybe Mila is a lemming.

11:14

With Mardi Gras finished we venture outside again. Not a grown up dressed as an animal in sight! Venice is incredible! We love it. Mila is also seemingly much better too. If only they'd had Calpol in 1665! We celebrate in time honoured fashion by buying a ukulele. Tomorrow we head to Bled.

Bled Day 1

14:12

Lovely big, tranquil lake. Nothing much to report here although we’re the only people staying in a massive hotel. Again! The air here seems to send Mila to sleep. I'm going to try and gather a load in a plastic bag and take it home.

02:32

Woken up from a nightmare! Mila was playing the music from Deliverance on a ukulele.

Austria Day 1

16:05

Just arrived in Austria, fulfilling our plans to end our European Vacation with a little skiing/snowboarding adventure. We’ve rented an apartment in a guesthouse and are joined by friends of ours from Budapest, Thomas and Adri.

17:54

Mila was having her nappy changed earlier. Being the wriggly cub that she is, she flipped herself over on to her belly just as Adri walked in. She took one look at Mila’s naked, chubby little butt and equally naked and chubby little legs and said.

“She looks just like her father.”

I don’t know how to take that.

I might rejoin the gym.

Austria Day 2

14:02

A bodacious morning of snowboarding before relieving Zsuzsa of baby handling duties. Apparently Mila has just started sitting up on her own.

18:35

We think Mila is calling me “BA!” and Zsuzsa “Aaaaa-waaa!”.

18:46

I’ve just done a quick search and apparently “Ba” is Vietnamese for “father”! Mila’s bloody Vietnamese!

Budapest - Home

20:21

I’ve just driven my girls across Austria, Slovenia and Hungary to reach our nest in Budapest. Despite the fact that we’ve all been ill from start to finish; despite the fact that our (first) Venice hotel room was the size of a baked potato; despite the fact that I apparently have the arse and legs of a baby; and despite the fact that the radio station that we were listening too on our five and a half hour journey home played Agadoo, not once, not twice, but three times, we’ve had an amazing week and a bit. Zsuzsa and I were worried initially that having a baby would kerb our travelling fun, but it's actually surprisingly easy as long as we plan ahead, time things to fit in with Mila's rhythm and carry half the contents of our flat around with us at all times. We've also noticed the biggest leaps in Mila's developments every time we go away. Having just got home the change in her from eleven days ago is remarkable. She's crawling, sitting up and just seems far more at ease with herself. She also seems to love visiting new places. From the looks of it Mila has inherited our wanderlust genes. We need to plan our next trip!